In the series ‘Azarius experiences', one of the indomitable Azarius employees shares his or her experience with a psychoactive substance or product related to psychonaut or stoner culture. In today's episode, ayahuasca, part three:
As my first two ayahuasca experiences (see here and here) didn’t turn out so well – mainly because of lacking supervision and poor accommodation – I decided to choose a different setting this time. A ceremony known for its beautiful music was about to take place in Amsterdam. The shaman even specialised in sound healings. That sounded pretty good to me.
Stay in the circle
Everyone was supposed to stay seated within the circle during the ceremony. In this way we would generate a healing energy together. There were three guides present, who would keep an eye on the participants. Clearly, this was a very different environment than I’d met during my previous adventures.
The ceremony begins. All participants drink ayahuasca. Then the singing starts: it’s truly beautiful. The wonderful music however, doesn’t prevent me from becoming extremely ill in about half an hour. Much more ill than previous times. Stumbling, I try to make my way to the toilet. But half-way everything becomes black before my eyes and I collapse.
Immediately I feel the hands of one of the caregivers on my back. She helps me rise and assists me to the toilet. Afterwards I sit down in the circle again. Only now the circle seems to be filled with energy. It shakes me up nauseatingly. It seems I can’t stand the circle, so I try to sneak out. In a corner I wrap myself up, that’s how sick I feel.
But again there is a caregiver who says to me: “You need to go back to the circle, we need you there.” I sigh deeply and stumble my way back. I decided to sit straight up on my mattress, hoping it will make me feel less ill. Suddenly my legs take butterfly position, automatically I grab my feet. On the rhythm of the music my legs start to move up and down very rapidly. It’s a bit like shamans sometimes do when they’re in a deep trance. I bounce up and down like crazy. Everything in my body shakes: as if all cells in my body are put in vibration in order to get rid of old pains and toxins. Even my lower jaw chatters on the rhythm of the music. You can feel the vibrations throughout the circle.
Surprised but smiling, I look at the shaman. He nods to me suggesting I just let it go. At a certain moment I bounce so violently I seem to levitate, separating from the floor. The strange thing is that it’s no effort at all: it seems the vibrations originate in the music and the energy of the circle.
Certainly, I made some more psychedelic journeys during my life, but an intense bodily response like this – in which I seem to have powers that I don’t have when sober – I’ve never experienced before. After shaking for about ten minutes I calm down. A terrific trip starts, in which I descend in the spiral of life, to the source of our existence – which is unmistakably feminine. It’s very nice to be there for a while. Then I come back again.
This experience exceeds all other psychedelic experiences and was definitely worth the effort. It was also very pleasant to have good guidance: no unnecessary luxury!
Written by: Sofie